When we talk, I’ll tell you some crazy, unbelievable stories from my life. I have no choice but to accept what happened. People always tell me I should write a book, but I wonder—who would read it? Better yet, why would anyone devote their precious time to reading about the wild things I’ve been through? Don’t they have their own chaos?
Then it hits me: No, most people don’t have experiences like mine, because they weren’t crazy enough to live the way I did (let’s be honest—still do). While everyone else was on the “right” track, I was flying by the seat of my pants, letting nature take its course. Do I regret it? Would I change it? Could I change it? Hell no. And here’s why.
The Footprints We Leave
I want to start my story with the end (I know, how cliché). What I mean is, I want people to know I hold no grudges. Truthfully, I thank every person I’ve loved, spent time with, or even just met. We all leave little footprints behind, whether we intend to or not.
Think of a tracker following an animal through the wilderness. They have to sift through countless footprints to figure out which path to follow. Our brains do the same thing—subconsciously sorting through past experiences to help us navigate the present. How we interacted with someone before, what advice we once heard, or even the way someone made us feel—all of it leaves an imprint.
Some footprints are more significant, ingrained deeply in our memories as if someone walked the same path in our lives over and over again. But all of them, even the smallest ones, are still there.
Without those footprints, we wouldn’t be who we are today. We can try to cover them up, pretend they don’t exist, but they’re permanent. There’s no undo button for life. And let’s be honest—if there were, mine would’ve broken a long time ago. So, I accept every step—good, bad, and mediocre. They’ve made me who I am (which, by the way, is awesome). I am me. It is what it is. Que sera, sera.
The “Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda” Trap
Every time I call my mom—usually in some kind of crisis because I avoid calling her otherwise—her best advice is, “You shoulda… if only you woulda… or you coulda…” Blah blah blah. I always think, Wow, Mom, that’s great advice. Let me just hop in my time machine and fix it.
Except—oh, right. No time machine. No T.A.R.D.I.S. No magical reset button. (Does the T.A.R.D.I.S. even have a wheel? Maybe when it’s convenient to the plot. We’ll revisit this.)
The point is, there’s no going back. It happened. Moment over. On to the next.
The Weight of the Past
Let’s try something heavy. Think back to the moment you wish you could change. Now, fast-forward through everything that happened because of it. I know there’s pain there, and I’m truly sorry for that. But stop for a second—at the part where you made an amazing friend during the healing process. Or where you gained insight that helps you navigate life differently now. Or the strength you found that got you to today.
Would you risk losing that? Would you trade everything you have now just to change one moment? What if you’d done it the “shoulda” way? Who’s to say it would have been any better? You’ll never know. It’s impossible to know.
So what’s the point of dwelling on it? Why let it consume you so much that you lose your present—or even your future? That moment is set in stone. It will always be a part of you. The only thing you control now is what you do with it. You can let it sit on your shoulders and weigh you down. You can throw it in the fire and let it propel you forward. Or you can turn it into a ridiculous story that makes people laugh.
No matter what, the outcome is the same—it already happened.
Embracing the Chaos
No one’s life is easy. It shouldn’t be. We grow through trials and tribulations. Every new experience, good or bad, becomes a permanent part of who we are the moment it happens. And the byproduct of those experiences—the knowledge, the strength, the resilience—shapes us forever.
At the end of the day, remember this: Failing is not optional. It’s mandatory. It’s through our failures that we learn, grow, and ultimately become the best versions of ourselves.
