My shoulder hurts. It’s that dull, stabbing pain in the spot you can just barely reach, like a ninja hiding in the shadows. Stretching? Useless. Massaging? A cruel joke. This pain is my constant, unwelcome companion, nestled in the middle of my right shoulder like a grumpy cat that refuses to move. Some days are better than others, but the discomfort never truly leaves.
The doctor’s solution? Painkillers. They don’t make the pain disappear; they just trick my brain into believing there’s nothing to see here. Years pass, and I grow accustomed to living with this monkey clinging to my back like an overly attached backpack. Then one day, I wake up, and the pain escalates to the point where my right arm is now as useful as a poop-flavored lollipop.
Sitting in the doctor’s office, I feel like a gladiator, ready to fight for my right to a pain-free life. “Just send me to someone who can check if there’s something wrong,” I demand, channeling my inner drama queen. Finally, I receive a referral to a local orthopedic center. Achievement unlocked: Partial Quest Completion – Level Up Pending!
New doctor, same scrutiny. At the orthopedic center, they X-ray my shoulder. The doctor is on the verge of dismissing me, probably thinking I’m just here for the free pics of my bones. Standing there with my X-rays up on the wall, he explains that there’s nothing wrong with my shoulder. I start to wonder if my shoulder pain is just my body’s way of keeping things interesting, like a soap opera plot twist.
Then I hear three magical words. Quiet and faint, he barely utters them: “What the hell?” He turns to me, his face resembling the Windows spinning wheel of death. He tells me there’s something “weird” about my neck. However, the X-rays are of my shoulder, so he can’t be sure. I’m sent back for more of those free pics—only of my neck this time. It’s like discovering a secret level in a game, but instead of an iconically rare item, you get more time in the waiting room.
Back in his office, he tells me that the vertebrae in my neck aren’t lining up as they should. He seems a bit more concerned than he did an hour ago—concerned enough to send me for an MRI. He fidgets and repeatedly mentions that he doesn’t prescribe pain meds. I never asked for any, but thanks for the heads-up, guy. That was odd. Before he bolts out of the room like he’s late for a hot date, he has me schedule a follow-up appointment for the MRI results.
My right arm is basically useless when I arrive at the MRI appointment. It just hangs there, a vital appendage rendered ineffective and only capable of causing a constant stream of pain. The MRI tube is an experience all its own. I discovered that when confronted with a claustrophobic situation, I will completely pass out—full-on snoring and all. Fun fact: my way of handling tight spaces is to be the loudest napper ever.
The follow-up appointment is set for a Monday. The Friday before, my phone rings. It’s the orthopedic doctor. His voice sounds different. Quieter. Sadder. He informs me there’s no need to come in for my follow-up appointment next week. Instead, he has referred me to a doctor in San Francisco. A specialist. One of the best neurosurgeons in the country. Apparently, I have a massive tumor growing on my spinal cord. If it gets any bigger, I’ll lose the ability to walk. Well, that escalated quickly. It seems my life’s side quest just turned into a main quest with a boss battle.
Life has a funny way of leading us into unexpected side quests. My journey from shoulder pain to discovering a spinal tumor was one such adventure. It taught me that sometimes we must be our own advocates, push through the absurdity, and find humor even in the darkest moments. Embrace the chaos, laugh at the unpredictability, and remember that every challenge is just another chapter in your story. After all, what’s an adventure without a few plot twists and plenty of laughs?
